It seems that I may be chronically stoned…

To tell you the truth, I am surprised that at night I am not glowing. I have had so many x-rays in the last six months, that I am sure that if I looked in the mirror with no room lights on, I would still see myself. Either that or my internal organs are being preserved for decades to come such that one may have a difficulty in determining whether they survived in the grave because of God’s grace or because I have been irradiated so many times (as much as the former may appeal to my ego, it is likely the latter).

Every time I visit x-ray department of the Winnipeg Clinic, there seems to be a new technician (the receptionist is always the same woman – she is VERY efficient). They take an image of my left kidney – the one that seems to produce monster stones from the planet Ho Canet B in the Calcium Oxalate system – and also my bladder. Just before I lie down on the table, I tell the technician that my bladder is a little lower than most people’s bladders. A slight look of disbelief, perhaps with a tinge of “and where exactly did you get your training for this incredibly sophisticated machine,” and I am asked to lay down. Taking the image of the left kidney is no problem. When it comes to the bladder – well, let’s just say that more times than not the technician retakes the bladder image.

I usually take the images upstairs to the fifth floor – that’s where Dr Cho has his practice. He is a young urologist that seems to be on top of his game. He has given me a special treat – 6,000 shockwaves to the left kidney to break up – that’s right – the monster stone from the planet Ho Canet B in the Calcium Oxalate system. It’s called Extracorporeal Shockwave Lithotripsy. The support staff, i.e. the nurses, in that unit are extremely superb in delivering health care. Their sense of humour and the ability to deal with people in extreme pain – like passing small sharp particles through a tube that is designed to pass only some unwanted waste fluid – made the two sessions (September and December) bearable.

I saw Dr. Cho last week. We looked at my new x-rays. The monster stone is all broken into five passable pieces (oh, joy). And they have all sunk to the bottom of the kidney. Unless I spend about 5 hours a day standing on my head, it looks like these stones will remain in the kidney. Hence, the issue of me being seemingly chronically stoned. The stones pose no threat and at the moment do not cause any pain. Check-up in six months will reveal more information.

My family and friends (that would probably be you who are reading this account) have offered various natural and some (surprisingly) unnatural “cures” for kidney stones. Some are convinced that they are caused only by diet. According to Dr Cho, diet accounts for only 20% of the cause of stones. The remaining 80% is do to – yep, you guessed it – genetics. So, I have to thank my parents, and their parents, and their parents, and so on and so on…

I continue to drink – water – actually, copious quantities of the stuff. On top of being chronically stoned, I may have to attend WA support meetings – Waterholics Anonymous.